This isn’t really gadget-related, but it’s extremely funny and it showed up on my radar this morning. Now, I’ll preface this with the fact that I’m not a huge fan of death metal. It seriously looks like some deranged clowns making a racket with guitars and drums. As my dad used to say “a cat fight in a trash can”… only this time with bears. That said, I can respect them as musicians while still thinking most of them take themselves WAY too seriously.

In the LOLCats tradition, for your Friday entertainment, I bring you LOLMetal from The Warehouse.

1. For crying out loud, buy an iPhone already.  If you’ve been waiting for the next generation to come out, stop.  You’ll still be able to sell your current iPhone for plenty of cash when the next version is released.
2. Learn to BBQ awesomely succulent ribs.  Dry or wet – your choice – but remember, the bandito will take every advantage possible to outdo all other ribs.
3. Invent something totally impractical and functionally useless.  The inventor of the USB charged office rocket is defiantly worthy of accolades and you can be too.
4. Throw your Windows PC out the window and discover the magnificent world of Mac.  Seriously.  Wait!  Before you do this, see step number 18 below.
5. Mod your pod.  Don’t have a mod?  Well it’s time to make one then.
6. Go outside and start a heated discussion with your nearest neighbor on the topic of Blu-Ray vs. HD DVD.
7. Start an 8 hour a day training regiment for the 2008 Guitar Hero Olympics.  Or do you want someone else to be the gold medalist?
8. Melt down your old CDs for scrap plastic.  I hear scrap plastic is quite valuable.  Better yet, give them to all of your friends for their birthdays and insist that they are coasters.
9. Make your own beer.  Better banditos brew beer.  It’s fun and delicious.  That’s a fact.  Mmmm… Bandito beer.
10. Create a Wikipedia entry on yourself.  Then debate the ethics of doing so with your favorite office mate.
11. Build the best potato cannon in the country with its very own web community base following.
12. Do eye stretches at least every 45 minutes to keep your eyes in their peak performance.  Eye health is important to tech banditos.
13. Download a new Firefox extension even if you don’t use Firefox.  Okay, that was dumb.  Sorry.
14. Create your own Google gadget or code your own widget.
15. Buy real headphones.  Necessary, but sorry, this doesn’t count towards your pod mod in step 5.
16. Remember that better cameras almost always take better pictures.  And banditos do both.
17. Employ an entirely robotic maid staff to clean your space.
18. Build a Linux home music server with your old Windows box hardware instead of throwing it out the window.  If you’re reading this list backwards, skip step 4 when you get to it.
19. Improve your online identity – it’s likely the only one to really matter in the future.
20. Read TechBandito everyday!

From the game jockeys at Joystiq comes this gem from the online parody news source The Onion.

SANTA MONICA, CA—Despite a catchy 1890s soundtrack and realistic-feeling game play, Sousaphone Hero, the third installment of Activision’s massively popular Guitar Hero video game franchise, sold a mere 52 copies in the United States in its opening week, the company reported Monday.

The Onion article goes on to describe the game, including it’s progression through the levels from playing in park gazebos to playing the halftime show of the Harvard-Yale football game.  Innovative new features are the massively-multiplayer option where you and 135 of your friends can team up to form an entire marching band and the realistic sousaphone wireless controller.

The game isn’t without it’s problems, however.  Apparently it can get quite boring to play the same “oompah” note sequence 96 times in a row and if not cleaned regularly, the controller “gets crusty”.

Because of the poor sales of Sousaphone Hero, Activision has apparently halted plans to develop both Glockenspiel Hero and the hotly-anticipated Cymbal Hero.